I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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