Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize