and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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