i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
