All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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