I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
