Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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