So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so let's talk penis.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
