Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
