what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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