I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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