Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
