Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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