bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
