ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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