dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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