I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
