I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
