i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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