Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
