"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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