Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
