the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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