I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
