Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
