CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
