M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
