He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I just put wine in my tea
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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