he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
