My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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