My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
