1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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