Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
