kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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