i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
