ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
