he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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