Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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