6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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