I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
