forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
