I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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