he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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