I love black thongs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
