Do you still have your period?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
