I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
