I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i dont even know how to be here
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
