Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
