New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My life is pants optional.
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