I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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