i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
