you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
