The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize