I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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