batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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