I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
