I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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