No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
