the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
