And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
