wakey wakey hands off snakey
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
