the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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