I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
