Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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