found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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