I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
