On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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