i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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