THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
