I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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